Imma Wizard
by RavenRecrudescence
Summary: The exciting story of an underprivledged black boy who goes to hogwarts and must deal with racism at every turn. Join turtle as he goes on adventures,learns magic, fights the league of evil, and time travels! (trhis is a repost of a story I wrote 5 years ago. Its not as well written(go easy on me) and Im a much better writer now. Im posting it now because I plan to continue it!)
1. The Beginning

AN: afta redin da hairy potty books (not rly i saw the mooviez lolololol) i desided 2 make mi own hary potty storee.

note 2 da reedars: neva beliv any1 hu sayz a blak man dont like fired chickin

I wuz sittin out on da porch an mi mama leend out da windo an sayed "watchu doin soulja spirit buu jackson?".

"nuttin much" i said "we gut no food".

"o turtle don cri"

"na mama i aint mad" i says. den i loked at da gund n said "i wish i had sum fried chinkin" den... dere wuz fried chikin on da grion!11111111111111

"yo buu wuz dat i smel" mi mama said. I lookd arund all snecky like and den i whispad "fried chikin" an it went away. i wuz scared but nut in a afrayed way. den i whispad again "fried chicken" and it appered agan!111 so den i desided 2 tri sumden out. "wattamelon" an dere it iz a big ol slice o watrmellon at mah fet. mah mam lend out da door agan "boi now i no i smel sumden". so den i leaned ova and wispad "fired chikin... wattamelon" an dey boat went away. i gut up an says 2 mi mama "lock mama!11 i aint gut nottin!11"

"but im so hundreh" sayed ma mama. den i felt sad. so i pointed mah finger at da grund an sayed "fried chikin" den a big ol bunmch of fired chikim appeerd. mi mama jumpt an scrammd. she ran in da house an slamed da door. "dun cum bak or ill shot ya!" she sayd. so i left.

so whadda think? IF U FLAM UR RASSIST. 


	2. Hogwarts

AN: im jus ritin dis now becuz i gut a butload o insparashun

den i went 2 hagwats. dena nigga came out a no were an says "hey im harry potter". i turned an said "u aint harry potter!11 i saw him in da movis!"

"i no but fo da audeance dey got a wite boi 2 play mi"

"wat i said.

"u herd mi"

"dem rassist ppl!"

i entred da big ol place were everabodi eatz an dey put da wiserd hat on mi hed and it says "yo in ravenclaw"

"hey daz were i stay" sed harry potter. den we both went to da room togedder. wen we were dere we saw the dumbldoor. an he turnt 2 mi an sez "welcum 2 skool distrect 7 (wateva dat meens). im ur dumbledoor."

hairy turnd t mi an seys "dis is da dumbledoor of da entire skool."

"hi mistr duumbledoor"

"yo can call mi alvin".

"ok alvin"

"goodbi" he sed an raned out on hiz broomstik.

"im sleepi" sed hairy potter

"butt its not even 12 o clock yet" i sed

"i no but tomorow we hav skool an ill sho u all de pretti girlz an how to play bromstiks"

"sho" i sed "do u lik 50 cent?"

"do u lik soulja boi?" sed harry

we were best frends. 


	3. Friends & enemies

AN: I'm just cranking them out! if this keeps up i just mite publish it! The next day me an Harry went down 2 the big kitchen where all the chillin were chillin :) i sat down at a table next 2 a pack o crackers who said "boy u cant sit here!" "y" i sed.  
"u have 2 sit at the back of the kitchen!" den hairy came down an said "dun mind him. The table is for the snake people. your a ravenclaw! u have 2 sit at the ravenclaw table!" so we sat at the ravinclaw table. "dun mind that cracker. thats Draco. he's rassist." "ok" i sed.  
"these r mY friends" there wuz a pretty girl named herman. she fell in love wit me. it was so great. we had breakfast together. den we went 2 school. first we had magic class. the teacher was an old women wit glasses and an old droopy suit. "let me see wut u can do" she said. i pointed at the ground. "fried chicken," i sed. sum fried chicken appeared on the floor. she picked it up an took a bite "yum yum" she said and eatted it all. "i no what class u should go in. u should go in the black magic class." "what" i sed. "dun worry, im nut racist," she sed. "sum children r good at black magic while others r white magic." "well OK" i sed.  
she gave us lots o homework. we had more classes. den Harry took me outside. "here's a broomstick" he said. and he gave me a broomstick. "whats dis 4?" i sed. "4 broomsticks fool!" harry sed. "don't get hurt turtle" sed herman. "now dis is what u have 2 catch" sed harry and he took out a ball wit wings. it flu in2 the sky. but u have 2 dodge dis cause it will try an hit u" he took out a big black ball that hit me in my head. "ow i sed" "sorry" sed harry. he took out his wand an sed "go away" and the big black ball flu into the sky. den he took the biggest ball of them all. it looked like a soccer ball. "u have to pass dis so it goes into the holes." he through it at me an i caught it. "UR AMAZING" sed harry potter. so we flew up in the sky an began 2 play. my balls started 2 hurt. "my balls hurt!" i sed. "sit on it like dis" sed harry potter. an i did. meanwhile we played an a lot o people came around an watch us. There was so many of them that they filed up all the seats. they was cheering. den i saw the flying ball. i didn't want harry to see it so i sed "imma gonna go up here for a while".  
"well alright as log as u don't catch the snickers!" "OK" i sed like i didn't see it. "well OK" sed harry potter "because I'm about to put the ball in your hole!" I went up but wen I was about to get it a guy in a big black cap came in on his broomsticks. He pointed his wand at me "die". i den fell off my broomstick. "AH!" i sed. "TURTLE!" sed herman. The people screamed when i was falling. it hit the ground. then i died. 


	4. The dark lord vadermort

An: heres anodder chapper!

da next day i wook up in da hosbitel. "ur all betta" sed da nurse.

"nigga don scar me lik dat" sed herman.

"u almost dyd" sed harry pottr.

"wut was dat?" i sed.

"it wuz da dark lord vadermort and he wantz to hurt ur mama"

"WART?!11" i sed

"u gotta lisin turtle u gotta kill vadermort. it sed so in da profasi"

"dat sounds dangerus" sed herman

"yeah he wants 2 destroi da world" sed harry

"ok" i sed "if he touchs ma mama IMMA POP A CAP IN DAT NIGGAS ASS!11111"

den da dubledoor cam in. "shuddnt u chilldrn b in class?" he sed

"but da dark lard almst killd turtel!11" sed herman

"dun say dat name" sed da vadermort "especially u turtle"

"well ill hafta suspind u all" sed dumbeldoor "especially u turtle" den da dumbldor runnd awy on his bromstik. so we all went bak to our rooms.

i went to sleep. when i wuz alssep i saw da man wit da blak cape and da blak coat. dere was a snake coimg out of da front a himself. he wuz sittin in a char in fron of da fried place. he sed 2 da snape "imma kill dat nigga boi soulja spirit buu jackson" I woke up scard. dere wuz som1 under da cofers wit me. it wuz herman. she wuz nekked. "lets hav sex" she said. so she bends over and i stuk my big blak cok in her tinee wite ass.

"YES TURTLE YES" she sed. den i cam. an we stop. "what r u doin" sed harry next to me. "noddin" i sed ambarrist. "oh. i tot i herd somting."

"i didnt heer noddin" i sed.

"oh, okay" sed harry and he went bak to slep. den we all went doon 2 brekfest. "how did u slep?" sed herman. "gret" i sed an slimed.

"what're u guys takken bout" sed harry pottr.

"aww noddin" i sed an i smield.

"yeh" sed herman an she smiled.

"yeh" i sed an i slmied 2.

"what r u boiz smilin bout?" sed da dumbeldoor.

"ah noddin"

"well u had bettr hury up an get 2 clss" sed da dubledoor.

"ok we sed an den we went 2 magik class

"did u all do ur homerk?" sed da teakher?

"i didnt" i sed.

"why not, turtle!? u hav such potenshal!" she sed

"bcuz he was almost kiled bi vadermort" we sed.

"u fot vadermort?! u must b a grat wizrd!" she sed. "fin u get an a+" she sed.

we sat thro class.

AN: haha u thot i wuz ded didnt u! well i trikd u lololol mor chpters cummin soon 


	5. Black magic

AN: tanks 4 all da gud reveuz! recntly i watched da hary pottr moovies again so i cud get ma fadcts strat.

"helo everabodi mah nam is magik jonson" sed magik jonson.

"water u doin techin dis class" i sed

"im ur techer" sed magik jonson "dey duont call mi magik 4 noddin!1 wen i quit bascetball i bcam a techer at hogwats" i loked arond da room. dere wuz alot o niggas in dis class. an... DRACO!111 but he sat at da bak o da classrom.

"class 2day we will lurn how 2 sumon patronises"

"wuz a patronis" i sed

"ull see" sed magik jonson.

so we went in2 da midle off da room

"normaly wen pracisin wit partorises we normally use dememtors... but seeing as how dis is a blak magik class" an he winked "were gonna use somtin alidle bit diferant" he went ova to da closet an opned in. an out came... A KLUKKLUCKSKLANMAN!1111

so we all wnet up an did r patronises. ron did a snak. jenni did a egele. den i cam up an did a big o dragen. "DAZ AMAZING" sed magik jonson.

den draco cam up an did a cjickin cuz he wuz a chikin. "dat wuz dum" sed magik jonson "u fail". drako wen bak 2 da bak of da room.

den da police came an arrestd me fo no reson. "wuz goin on" sed makig jonson. "ur under arrest" sed da cops. an dey tok me away an i wen to jail.

An: suzpensfl iznt it? nex chapta cummin soon. 


	6. I go to jail

AN: im glad 2 see dat evry1 likd mi stori so i desided 2 rit da nex chapta now!111

i wuz in jail. it wuz cold but i had a cot an a toylet an mi romatez nam wuz kiwan. i wuz sad.

"let mi out!11" i sed.

"no" he sed.

"why did yo put mi in here i didnt do aniting" i sed.

"bcuz ur a nigger an as u no we da police hate niggers"

"U CANT US DAT WORD" sed kiwan

"yeh daz r word" i sed.

"nigger nigger niger" he sed an began 2 laff.

"well i no a word u mite like" i sed "DRAGEN!111111" den a dragen cam out.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!11111111111 111111111111" he sed as the ragen began 2 eat him

"hes a blak magicon!1" sed anodder gard.

"den i gess well haf 2 tak away his wand!1" sed annoder. an dey did.

"now u cant us magic!1" sed kiwan "but i wish u did... dey dont feed niggas lik us in jail..."

den i had an idea. "du u lik fried chickin"

"sho i do" he sed "but not all blak ppl lik fried chikin. dat wud be rassist"

"ok" i sed an pointed at da grund an sed "fried chickin" an dere it was.

"hooooray!1111111111111111" sed kiwan. "ur da gratist wiserd iv eva nown!"

den... da fried chickin startd 2 chang... it wuz... VADERMORT!1111111111111

"die" he sed but kiwan jumpd in da wai an his hed esploded!

"beep" sed vadermort

"turtle! get mi uzi! its i n mi left pokket!1" sed kiwan. an i did. an i shot bullets on vadermort.

"IM DIING!" sed vadermort. blod wuz goin evrywere.

"never trust a blak wizard" i sed. an i sed "DRAGEN" an dere wuz more blod evrywere.

"AHHHH IM DIING EVEN MOR!11" sed vadermort.

den he fel on da grund ded.

"U KILLD VADERMORT!111" sed harry potter.

"GUD JOB" sed magik jonson.

den snap cam up an sed "cum 2 mi oriface"

AN: but dunt worri dis is nut da last uv herd of darth vader!111 


	7. Dinner with snape

"my my what an ingoyable meal" sed snape totchin da sids of his moth wit his napkin. he wuz sitin at his desk eatin. i wuz sitin in a char in front of his desk. i wasn't eatin. he wiped his hands off on da napikn an folded it in a tryangl bside his plat.

"you moronic negresint layabout. do you know why i brot you here?" sed snape.

i didnt no.

"leef da poor boi alone" sed hagrid.

"no. i think he shud be expeled." sed snape.

"well why" sed da dubleedor.

"becuz he brot a gun to school." sed snape.

"but he wuz trien 2 fite vadermort" sed herman.

"thats no alabi" sed snape. "he hangs at sundown"

"WAT!1111" sed harry potre.

"you heard me" sed snape.

"its tru" sed da dumbledoor "bringin a gun 2 skool is punishable by death. especally if ur blak"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOO!11111111111111" sed herman.

"but wayt! da suns alreddy down!" i sed.

"then i guess we have to hang you now!" sed snape.

"N

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!111111 111111111" sed herman. an began 2 cry.

den... out of no were... HARRY POTTER BUST IN2 DA ROOM!11111

"hey wait! u cant kill turtle! den hus goona kill vadermort!" he sed.

i wuz standin on da stage wit ma hed in da rope.

hermon wuz dreesed in a blak dress wit a vail an cryin on harys sholder.

"hahaha" sed snape. it wuz thunderin an lightnin and rain wuz fallin everywere. "with you gone, vadermort can rule then world!111"

i wuz a gonner.

AN: now dat wuz excitin!111 sorry it tok so long. i had to look up those big words for snape bcuz hes wite an probably jewish. 


	8. Shequaz

i wuz abot 2 die.

den... a big blak nigga flu in on a grifen an thru me ma bromstik.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!11111111111111" sed snape.

i got on mi bromstik an flu awai wit da big blak nigga. we flu ova till we fund his apartmant.

"hi im shieqwaz" he sed

"call mi turtle" i sed.

"im snapes brodder" sed shieqwaz.

"no u aint" i sed "dat nigga aint blak"

"yes i is" he sed "we bof haff da saim mama but i cam out blak an he cam out jewish. eva sinse den hes hated blak ppl"

"wel vadermort looks kind o jewish. do u tink dey cud b da same guy"

"i don no" sed shieqwaz.

den i had an idea dat wud rly wurk

AN: wel dat wuz a clifhangr!11 


	9. How to catch a jew

AN: sory it tok so long dis was a long chapta an i had 2 look up how 2 spell snapes words.

snape wuz wakkin down da halway. "yes now that weve gotten that awful nigger off my hands nothing will get in the way of my plans!1"

he keppt on wakkin down da halway.

"only 1 more thing could make this day even better" he sed. den he saw somden on da ground. it wuz a 5 dolla bill.

"ohhhh a 5 dollor bill" sed snape. he bent down to pik it up. but den... it moved just out of his reech!

"that was odd" sed snape. an he bent down to pik it up agin. but it movd agin!

"well this is making me quite angry" sed snape. and evrytim he pikd it up it went out of his reech.

he went 2 da end of da halway "ahh i got u now!" he sed. but wen he sed dat a sak went ova his hed!

"got u" i sed.

"curses" sed snape.

"we got u now" sed shieqwan"

"let me go" sed snape.

we put him in a rum an put him in a char.

"SHIEQWAN" sed snake.

"brodder" sed shieqwan.

"r u vadermort?" i sed.

"ill never tell" sed snape.

"not even 4... 5 dollors"

snape lookd lik he wuz gonna eat dat 5 dolla bill.

"ok" sed snape "ill tell u if im vadermort or not. mi tru identidy is"...

den wit his magik he got out of da char.

"gettim" sed shieqwan.

i tryd. but i cudnt cuz dey tok away mah wand in jail.

"hes gettin away" sed shieqwan.

den snape got out his gun.

"now youll die... FOREVER!11111111111" he sed.

"NOT IF I KILL U FIRST" sed shieqwan.

"you wont hurt me im your brothr" sed snape.

"yes i wud snape... or shud i say... VADERMORT" sed shieqwan.

"how did you know" sed snape.

"its queyt simpl" sed shieqwan "bcuz u an vadermort r never in da smae place at da same time!"

"DAM U" sed snape. "u were 2 smart for me"

"now dat u no mi secret i cant let u life"

den he started 2 shoot bullets on me. mi blud wuz goin evrywere. an den i died.

AN: is dis da end... or is it!? 


	10. I meet god

i meet god

i woke up in heven. soulja boy wuz playin an i saw dis big ol nigga in a wit robe dat lookd lik 50 cent.

"hello turtle" he sed.

"how do u no mi name" i sed

"bcuz im god turtle" he sed i wuz amased.

"am i ded" i sed.

"yes u r" sed god.

"den dat meen..." i sed

"yes it duz" sed god "but dont cri turtle cuz it aint yo tym yet so im senden u bak. i wan u 2 kill dat evil jew hu killd mi only son"

"yes lod" i sed.

"an rememba turtle, i will alweys bein wachin ova u. goodbi" sed god

"godbi" i sed.

i woke up in mi room.

"wuz wrong" sed hary pottr "u look wit as a cracker"

"aw noddin" i sed.

"well u woke up jus in tim" sed shieqwaz "da bromstik chaminship is stardin an ur da star playa" 


	11. The broomstick championship: part 1

bromstiks championship

i wuz in da locka room. i wuz so nervus. i hadnt ben arond 2 pratise bcuz i wuz ded.

i wuz lokin for ma bromstik. but i cudnt find it. den i turnd arund. it wuz... VADERMORT STEALING MI BROMSTIK!11111111

"haha" he sed "an gess wut. i killd evry bodi else on ur team! now ull nevr win!"

"wut" i sed

"thers no way ull beet us at bromstiks now" he sed "and then well kill u. hahaha" an then he flu off on ma bromstik.

"wut am i gonna do now" i sed

i wen on da feeld.

"waddiya doin turtle?! da championship is about 2 bigin!1" sed hary potta

"i cant" i sed. "vadermort stole mah bromstik"

"DAT THEFFIN BIGNOSE CRACKA" sed hary potter

"an he killd evry1 else on da teem1!" i sed

"WUT" sed hary " how r we gonna win now!?"

den we lookd ova.

"oh my god" we sed. da deth eattas had brot... DA KLU KLUX KLAN

dey didnt hav bromstiks. but dey had guns a flammin cross an a rope.

"hey look niggers!" sed 1. an dey all started to shot at us.

"deres way were gonna win now" sed hary potta.

den i got an idea.

"DRAGEN" i sed an a dragen apeerd.

i got on da dragens bak an me an hary went up into da air.

we only had me and hary an we had to play aginst da deatheaters hufflpuff grifendoor an sliterin ALL AT DA SAME TIME.

"GET DA NIGGERS" sed da klukluklan guy an dey all started to shot at us.

"how can dey still see us!1" sed hary pottr

it wuz bcuz da ski wuz wit an we wuz da only blak guys on da feild.

"it is bcuz da ski is wit an we is da only blak guys on da feeld" i sed.

vadermort lookd ova "dis is da worst ting eva!1 how cud mi plan not hav workd!"

den da dubledoor flu up an sed "let da game bgin. lets play fair" den da buza sounded.


	12. The broomstick championship: part 2

mi an hary pottr were da onli ppl on da ravencow teem. all da odda teems was flyin arond trin to put dere balls in r hols. an da kluklanklan wuz shootin up at us.

"hary u gard da goals. ill lok 4 da snigger" i sed.

i flu up high on mi dragen. "GET DAT NIGGA" sed a griffendor. "NOT B4 I PUT A BAL IN UR HOL" sed a slithrin. "ILL BEET U BOT" sed a hufflypuff. den he fell down. he wuz accidently shot bi da klukluxklan.

i wuz fliin up in da air lokin 4 da snikker. den i saw vadermort. "die" he sed buit i flew out of da way. instead he hit a griffindoor an he esploded.

"U MISSD MI" i sed an went bak 2 lokin 4 da snigger. "die" sed vadermort again. den he missd an hit a death eater an he died.

i wuz fliin an vadermort wuz chasin mi. den i saw... draco!1 an he saw mi. "now die soulja spirit buu jackson!1" an he pulld out his gun. an he shooted mi but i got out of da way an instead he hit... VADERMORT!11

"AHHHHHH" sed vadermort. den vadermort pointed his wand at draco an his brom esploded an he fel in2 da klukluxklan but dey didnt hurt him cuz he was wite.

"ah ha" sed vadermort. he had fond da snigger. i lokd dwon. da snigger wuz in da middle of da feeld.. right in da middle of... DA KLUXKLUXKLAN.

he wuz divin 2ward it and so did i. dere was bodis all ova da feeld. da klukluxklan wuz shotin up.

"u cant let da klukluxklan get da snigger" sed hary potta "or dey win da gaem!1111"

da klukluxklan wasnt shotin at vadermort. he wuz wite. dey wuz shotin at me but dey kept missin an hittin everibody else!11

"hey lok deres da snigger!1" sed da klukluxklanman an started runin 2ward it. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!11111111111111111 111111111111" i sed

"yes" sed vadermort as da klukluxklan man put his hand on da snigger.

but da ball went throo da klukluxklansmans hand. den i reelised... dey werent da klukluxklan... DEY WERE GHOSTS!111111

"u fools!1" sed vadermort.

bcuz dey were gosts i flew thro dem an got da snigger. but dey shot up mi dragen. an it died.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O!111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 11111111111111111111111111111111111" sed vadermort.

den da buzza sonded. da game wuz ova. "U WIN" sed da dumbledoor.

"u may haff won this tim... BUT NOT 4 LONG!11111111" sed vadermort. den he pointed his wand at harry. "die" he sed. harry esploded. he fell off his bromstik.

"QUIK GET DA DOKTA" but bi da tim we got dere hge was alredy ded.

"haha sed vadermort and him an his detheaters flew away. 


	13. The bitch

"U WON DA CHAMPIONSHIP!1111" sed herman.

"good job" sed da dumbledoor.

"weres draco?" sed herman

"o he almost died" sed da dumbledoor. "but da best part is every1 on da sliteryn teem died!"

"we shud celebrate" sed herman an she startd kissin up on mi.

"i no maybi we cud go 2 a fancy restrant" i sed.

"rly" sed herman.

"ya we can go 2 applebees!11" i sed.

den she huggd mi an started kissin up on me even more.

dat nite i desided 2 do somden speshal. it wuz r first date. so i took a shower. i put on ma best cothes.

i took herman 2 applebees.

"dis is amazin!" she sed.

we sat down an dis fancy french guy cam 2 us an sed "wuts yo order" he sed.

"ill get a cowboy burger" i sed "wit friez n onions"

"ok an wut wud u lik missy?" he sed.

"ill hav a salad an sum water"

"ok" he sed an den he went away 2 get r food

but den... hu walkd in... BUT DRACO!111 an he sat down bside herman.

"watta u doin!1" i sed

"noddin" sed draco lookin arund all sneekily an den he walkd away.

den da fancy french guy brot r food an we eatted it.

den we went bak 2 hogwats an she tok off her cloze an got in mah bed.

i wuz about 2 put mi big blak cock in her tiny wite ass but den i realisd... dere wuz somebody already in dere!

den i turnd on da lite. herman wuz havin sex wit draco!1111

"U MEEN BITCH" i sed.

"wait dont leef me!" she sed but i wuz alredy up an out of da room.

AN: thx 4 all da gud reviewz!111 


	14. The league of evil

AN: dis chapta wuz brot 2 u by da AFCA. da americin fried chikin associashun.

"wut r we gonna do about dat nigga" sed vadermort. he wuz sittin in his evil lair havin dinna wit dracula an hitler. dey were eatin babies.

"i say we kill him!" sed dracula

"gutantof gutantof chocolate choclate gutantof" sed hitler wich wuz german 4 "i agree we shud kill him"

"ive tried dat u fool!" sed vadermort "hes such a great blak magicon dat he keeps cumming bak 2 life"

dracula tok a bit of his baby. "den how r we gonna kill dat nigga"

"i dont know" sed vadermort. den hitler screemed.

"KINDERGAREN" he sed wich wuz german 4 "deres sumden rong wit mi baby"

den dracula lookd ova "wait dat isnt a baby... dis is fried chiknin!11"

den vadermort had an idea.

"i no" he sed. "ill go bak in time an make sure dat FRIED CHIKIN WUZ NEVER INVENTED!111"

"daz a good idea" sed dracula an hitler clappin dere hands.

dracula finished his meel. "my my wut an enjoyable meel" he sed dabbing da sides of his cape.

den vadermort starded speekin "by tomorrow everythin in hogwart is gonna BE ALL WHITE!1111111"

AN: ohhh dat wuz scarry... i wundda wuts gonna happen next!11 


	15. The return of a friend

it wuz nittime. i wuz sittin under a tree cryin. dat meen bitch herman wuz cheetin on me wit draco.

"dat meen bitch" i sed cryin. why wuz she cheetin on me. i didnt no.

just den... from behind a tree... i saw a memba of DA KLUKLUXKLAN!111111111111111111

he wuz wakkin 2wards me. i reechd 4 my wand. but i didnthave it cuz da police took it away when i was in jail.

"nooooo dont hurt me" i sed but he kept commin.

he reeched out his hand. an his hand went throo me.

it wasnt a memba of da klukluxklan... IT WUZ A GOST!1111

"hey turtle wutchu doin all da way out heer" sed da gost. den i reelised... it wuz da ghost of HARRY POTTRE!11111

"hary! ur a ghost!" i sed.

"i no. dat evil jew vadermort killed me" he sed. "why u out heer turtle"

"dat meen bitch herman cheeted on me wit draco"

"dat meen bitch. but dont worry turtle. dere are odder girls. ur da sexiest blak man ever"

"rly" i sed

"rly" he sed. "well lets go 2 sleep. we hve class 2morrow."

so we went 2 r room an went 2 sleep.

AN: u thot hary potter wuz gone... but i triked u!111 


	16. Kicked out of Hogwarts

afta we had brekfest we went 2 class. me ghost harry were sittin next 2 eachodder while da teacher wuz teachin.

den... dat meen bitch herman came in. she tried 2 sit next to me but she almost sat on ghost harry,

"HEY" i sed "herry's sittin dere!1"

"sorry" she sed and den went 2 go sit somewhere else.

in class we lernd how 2 grow flowers with magik. i cudnt do it well bcuz i had no wand

an den class ended.

den dis old man came up 2 me. "i rememba u"

"wut" i sed

"yeh i remember you" he sed

"ok" i sed. den we went 2 lunch.

so we sat down at da table. i was rly hungry 4 sum fried chikin. but dere was none on da table.

"ill have to fix dat" i sed "fried chikin" but noddin happend. "fried chikin" i sed agin, but noddin happend. den i turned 2 magik jonson who wuz sittin across from mi.

"wheres all da fried chikin" i sed.

"fired chikin?" he sed "wuz dat?"

"u no fried chikin" i sed.

"iv never herd of it" he sed.

den i started 2 get scared.

"OH MY GOD" sed ghost harry "VADERMORT MUST HAVE GONBE BACK IN TIME TO MAKE IT SO DAT FRIED CHIKIN WUZ NEVER INVENTED!111111111111111"

"daz terrible!" i sed " life wont b da same witout fried chikin!1 an i cant use magic anymore!"

"u cant use magik animore?!" sed magik jonson "den you haff 2 get da hell out of dis skool!11111"

but we cudnt leev yet. we had one more class... 


	17. Out of the bag

we went into snapes class. he toaut da dark arts. not dark as is blak, bcuz dat was magik jonson. dark as in evil.

i knew dat snape wuz vadermort an wut he had done so we were lookin all angry like at eachodder all class.

"i went bak in time an made sure fried chikin wuznt invented. now u have no magic powers. den all cum up 2 ur room 2night and kill u!"

i cudnt do magik so all class i talkd wit ghost harry.

as i wuz goin to mi room i saw herman an draco lovin up on eachodder. i got rly mad.

den snape came out of his class. "dracula, wat are you doing" he sed.

"WUT!1" i sed.

"VADERMORT U FOOL" sed draco

"oops" sed snape.

den i saw it... draco wuz short 4... DRACULA!

"wut!11" sed herman "ur a vampire?!1"

"DAM" sed dracula

den filtch came in wit his cat sweepin da floors. he turned 2 snape "irchskinveikshin"

"hitler! weve gotta get out of here!1" sed snape

snape took a dolla bill out of his pocket and it grew 2 da size of a carpet.

"EVERYBODY! QUICK! BACK 2 DA LAIR!11" sed vadermort. den snape, flitch and draco jumped on it and flew away.


	18. 10000 feet under Hogwarts

"U BLEW MI COVA VADERMORT!111" sed dracula. dey were all sittin at da table. vadermort dracula hitler and wolfman.

"wen r da fried babis gonna' get heer!?" sed wolfman.

"enuff chit chat" sed vadermort "i wud like 2 introduce 2 u our most sincer member an da founder of dis organisashun... da deevil."

a death eater rolled in a crinkled old man in a wheel chair.

"i heer dat u boys have been havin trouble killin dis nigga" sed da devil.

"yes" sed vadermort "weve killd him... tried 2 beet him at bromstiks... we dont no wut 2 do!11"

"well deres more den 1 way 2 kill a nigger" sed devil. "in mi day we killd niggers all da time."

"but we have a plan. we went bak in time an made it so dat fried chikin wuz never invented. now he cant use magik. niw all we have to do is kill him 2nite."

"well dis is wut u do..." sed da devil... 


	19. The end?

i wuz packin mi stuff 2 get ready to leef. an ghost harry wuz helpin mi.

"im gonna miss u turtle" sed ghost harry.

"im gonna miss u too ghost harry" i sed.

so i picked up mi suitcase and wnet 2 da gates.

"goodbye" i sed.

den... da gate esploded an vadermort flu in on his dolla bill wit hitler wolfman an dracula! and there army of detheaters!111

"GET DAT NIGGA" he sed an dey all started attak me. dey took out dere guns and dere magik wands and started 2 shoot magik an bullets at mi. but i cudnt fite bak bcuz i cudnt use magik an hary cudnt fite bcuz he wuz a gost.

dracula flew through da air an jumpped on me. "HOW DO U LIKE DA TASTE OF DIS NIGGA" he se an was about to bite my neck. den... HE WUZ KNOCKED OFF BY A FLYING PINK VACUMCLEANER!1111

it wuz.. HERMAN!1111 "TAK DAT MUTHAFUKA" she sed.

"noooo dere gonna soot u!1" i sed an wolfman 2ward her as da detheaters started 2 shoot at her.

den he wuz shot down bi bullets. da dumbledor wuz standing wit a gatling gun in his hands!11

"WHAT" sed vadermort. an da dumbledoor shot him off his dolla bill.

"I THOT WE CUDNT BRING GUNS 2 SKOOL" sed harypotter.

"teechers can" sed da dukbledoor.

he thru me a gun.

"guns dont use magik" he sed.

den we all started 2 fite da detheatters.

da dumbledoor shot down da first row wit his gatling gun. "TAKE DAT BITCHES" he sed.

"URCHKIN FURTIVATIN" sed hitler an took out his RPG lancher an started firen. dey were esplodin everywere.

"DUUUUUUUCK!11111111111111" sed da dumbledoor an we jumped bhind a wall.

we were all firn at dem an dey were firn at us. dere wuz soooo many of dem!1111

den da dumbledoor took a remote control an hit a button.

dere wuz an esploshun in da middle of da detheaters. wolfman howled in pain.

"wut wuz dat?" i sed.

"i put remotecontrol landmines aaaaaallllll over hogwarts incase someden like dis hapined." sed da dumbledoor.

"no my patronis!1" sed herman.

dracula wuz holdin on 2 da flyin pink vacumcleener and da detheaters wuz trin 2 shot it down.

"wait weres harry?!" i sed.

he wuz in da middle of da detheaters but dey cudnt hurt him bcuz he wuz a ghost an he wuz now wite.

d dumbledoor hit 2 more buttens. da entire bak of da detheaters esploded. dracula wuz thrown off da vacumcleener.

da vacumcleener flew bak. it had a hole in da bag.

"nooooooo!11" sed herman and she took out her sewing kit 2 fix it.

a bullet hit da ground bside me. dere were 30 guys on da roof bhind us! i took my gun an shot dem all down.

"tanks" sed da dumbledoor an kept shotin wit his gatlingun. vadermrot wuz trin 2 get away.

"OH HELL NO" i sed an ran out from bhind da wall shootin at vadermort.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!11111111" sed herman but she was 2 busy sewing 2 do anyting.

i wuz dogin all da bullets an shootin da detheatrs an shootin vadermort.

"good now ive got u" sed da devil.

den i turned around an saw da devil flyin around in his wheelchair.

"TAKE DIS" he sed an a door came out of nowere in front of me. he opened it an 2 detheaters grabbed me. inside da door wuz... HELL(sorry 4 da dirty laguig)!11111111111111111

"NOOOO DERE GONNA PUT U IN HELL BCUZ IF U WENT 2 HEVEN GOD WUD SEND U BAK BUT IF U WENT 2 HELL YOU WOULD NEVA COME BAK!11111111111111111111111" sed harry.

"lololololololololololololololololololololololol" sed da devil evilly.

den out of nowere a basketball came an hit satan out of his chair. it esploded in2 a blak hole! it sucked up da devils chair an da 2 detheaters holdin me.

"am i late?" sed magik jonson.

"ABOUT TIME NIGGER" sed da dumbledoor an hit 2 more buttons. dey blew up somemore detheaters.

"well take it from here" sed magik jonson "u kids get out of here"

so me an herman jumped on da pink vacumcleener an flew away.

"WAIT 4 ME" sed harry.

"YOUR A GHOST U CAN FLY" i sed.

"OH YEAH" sed harry an flew up wit us.

we were goin 2 da only place we knew. shieqwans apartment. 


	20. Shequazs apartment: Back to the past

"dere it is" i sed pointing at sheiqwazs apartment.

we flew thru da window. glass went everywere. sheiqwaz wuz eatin KFC wit his griffin and wtachin soulplane

"nigga wutchu doin? deres glass on my floor!111" he sed.

"vadermort took away my powers an da devil tried to kill me and put me in hell" i sed.

"daz awful" sed sheiqwaz.

hermon wuz vacumin up da brokin glass.

"how did he take ur powers" he sed.

"he went back in time an uninvented fried chikin" i sed

"fried chikin? wuz dat?" he sed.

"nigga arent u eatin KFC" i sed

"KFC doesnt make fried chikin" he sed.

"we need ur help" sed herman.

"ok ill help u go bak in time" he sed.

den he got out a clock.

"since u dont dont have magik ull need these" he sed. he took out a bigass gun. "an some of des" and he gave me sum grenades.

i tok dem.

"i want 2 go bak in time 2" sed herman.

"oh u dont want 2 go bak in time" he sed "dey dont have pretty dresses or makeup or sewin mashines bak den"

"ur rite i dont want 2 go" sed herman

he put da clock in front of me.

"ill send u bak in time 10 thousen years ago"

den he stared to move da hands bakwards an i stared to fall in2 1 of dos tunnels wit clocks flyin around"

i fell out in hogwarts. alot of tings looked differant. den... sum cracker hit my shoulder as he passed by. he had long hair and a berd.

"who do u tink u are" i sed. den he turned around.

"hi im jesus" he sed. 


	21. --Arc 2: 10000 years in the past--

I was so amazed i wuz gonna pee myself... jesus... WAS WHITE!

"oh my god" i sed.

"hey hey hey dont talk abot my dad dat way" he sed

"im sorry" i sed

"i havent seen u b4. were r u from" he sed

"im from the future and ive cum 2 da past 2 invent fried chikin" i sed

"fried chikin" he sed "wuts that"

"its da best food in da hooooole world" i sed

"why do u want to creat fried chikin" he sed

"becuz witout it i cant use magik" i sed

"well i can fix dat" sed jesus

den he put his hand on my hed and sed "HEAL" and... my magik powers were back!11

"wow" i sed. i looked at da ground. "fried chikin" i sed but dere wuz no ried chikin,

"you should get rid of that gun" sed jesus "theyre not allowed at school. u cud get crucified"

i didnt no how he saw da gun but he pointed to my shirt and dey flew out an disapered.

"dont u need a wand 4 dat" i sed

"i never need a wand" he sed

"wow u must b a grate wiserd" i sed

"i lerned it at skool. do u go 2 school?"

"i used to..." i sed

"u have to go 2 skool" sed jesus " dat way you can get a high payin job. wen i graduate i wan carpender"

"well until i make fried chikin and get home can i go 2 ur school?" i sed

"sure but we need 2 go see da dumbledoor first" sed jesus


	22. My new school

we were walkin cross da skoolgrounds an i saw lots of pepol on crosses.

"if you do someden bad around here den the dumbledoor crucifies you" sed jesus

den i got 2 thinkin.

"hey jesus" i sed "if you invented cristeanity den are you cristin?"

"christeanity? wuz dat" sed jesus "im jewish. (AN:i no i wuz suprised 2!) r dere any odder religons?"

so we kept walkin until we came 2 da dumbledoors door. we waked up da stairs until we came 2 his office.

"why hello mr christ!1" sed the dumbledoor.

"hello proffeser pilot" jesus sed

"wh is dat wit you" he sed

"oh dis boi wants 2 go to our skkol" sed jesus "his name is... WAIT!1 i dont know ur name"

"my name is soulja sprit bu jackson. but u can calll me turtle" i sed

"well turtle" sed jesus "dis is da dumbledoor of da hole skool. professer pumpass pilot"

"thats strange" sed pumpass pilot "we just had a new profeser transfer in. but never mind. we have 2 get u sorted!11"

he tok out da sortin hat an put it on my hed. it sed... GIRFFENDOOR!

"grate dats da house im in" sed jesus

"but sudnt i be in ravencow!?" i sed

"soory da sortin hat has spoken" sed pumpass pilot and he put da hat under his desk. "is dere anyting else u need"

"ya i need a magik wand" i sed

"well here u go" sed pumpass and he gave me a wand

"now you have everthing you need!" sed jesus "we can go 2 da commen room now"

so we wakked 2 da commen room but den i saw dis biiig tower

"hey jesus wuts dat" i sed

"thats were da ravencows live" sed jesus "babel tower"

so we went in2 da commin room

"HEY JESUS" sed a girl an a boi "whos dat with you?" sed da girl

"dis is my new friend turtle" sed jesus "turtle, let me introduce you to my 2 best friends. mary margerin and judas."

"hello turtle" dey both sed

"hello jesus. where have you been all day?" sed a picture at da back of da room. it wuz above da fire place. it was... ABRAHAM LINCON!

"oh im fine" sed jesus "meet my new frend turtle"

"hats off 2 you turtle" sed mr lincon an he tiped his hat.

"why do you have a picture of abraham lincon in ur commen room" i sed

"dont u know? abraham lincon is da father of da jews!" sed jesus

"hahaha" sed mr lincon merrily "u kids run along or ull mis diner"

so we all ran along 2 da great hall.

we sat down at da griffondoor tabel.

"hey i no u" sed judas. i didnt know him.

"wut?" i sed

"yeh i know u" sed judas. den i remembered.

"oh yeah i met u in da future!1" i sed

den professor pilot got up an sed "students i want to introduce u 2 our new student turtle!1 and our new professor who just transferred in... professor snape!"


	23. Sexy jesus

"WUT" i sed

snape was standin up on da podiam wearin a toga wit leefs on his hed. he narrowd his eyes an lookd all meen at me from sa=acros da grate hall den went bak 2 sit wit da other teechers whu were also werin togas an leefs on dere heds.

"wow" sed jesus " we have a new teecher"

"hes evil" i sed

"come on we havnt even had a clas wit him yet" sed mary margerine

"no hes evil" i sed "he followed me 2 da past so i dont invent fried chikin and to kill me"

den we had dinna. we didnt have anyting fried. all we had wuz bred wine fish and cheese.

after dat we went 2 da griffendoor commen room.

"how wuz dinna?" sed licon

"grate" sed jesus

den i went up 2 my dorm room but i didnt have any pajamas so i slept in my clothes.

den everyone went to bed. expect jesus. so i got up and whent to da commen room lookin for him. den i saw dem. jesus wuz makin out wit mary margerine! he had his hand up her shirt and dey were kissin wit da tungs.

i just stood dere.

abraham lincon wuz asleep. he had on a pink nightdress an a pink sleepin hat.

i quietly went bak to da dormroom. judas was there.

"hey turtle" he sed "where have you been"

"nowhere" i sed an den when to sleep. 


	24. Jew hats

i woke up. i rolled over... an i saw... mary margerine in da same bed as jesus!

"good mornin" dey both sed.

i wuz suprised. jesus didnt have a small white boy penis. he had a big black boy penis.

"well we better be goin down to brekfest" sed judas

"hey wait!" sed sed lincon "you cant go out like that!"

"why?" i sed

"bcuz your not dressed n school uniform!"

"oh i forgot!" sed jesus. he pulled sometin out of his pocket an put it on my head. it wuz a jew hat!

"that looks alot better" said abraham lincon and tipped his hat to me.

we finished brekfast. den we went to math class wit professor soloman. snape wuz sittin at da back bcuz he had da class next. soloman had a baby on his desk.

"now class how many babies do I have on my desk" sed professer soloman. mary margerine raised her hand.

"one baby" she sed.

"thats right" sed soloman "now how many babies would i have if i cut dis baby in 2?"

no bodyanswered. den mary margerine raised her hand "two babies" she sed.

"daz correct!" sed soloman and he took out his chainsaw. he cut da baby in 2. blod went everywhere. snape licked his lips.

for da rest of da class soloman showed us how to make 4 babies out of 2 babies and 6 babies out of 4 babies.

when clas ended we had dark arts wit perfesser snape. he went up 2 da front of da class.

"goodmorning class" he sed "im ur new dark arts teacher." en he took up all da babies dat soloman left behind. "today ill teech u how to eat babies"

"WUT" sed jesus

"ur not trying to cause trouble are you mr. christ?" sed snape

"we cant eat babies!" sed jesus

"you can if you want an A !" sed snape.

"dont worry perfessor snape. ill eat babies." sed a meen looking boy. his name was goliath.

"thank you goliath. you are a nice an well mannered young man. u get an A." sed snape.

not everyone ate babies dat class. only da evil ppl did.

"turtle, mr. christ, can i see u after class" he sed when class ended.

we stayed.

"if you boys cause anymore trouble then ill have to punish you" he sed.

den we left. 


	25. 10000 years in the future

meanwhil... 10000 years in da future an a mile under hogwarts...

"damn" sed dracula "we almost had him. we cudve takken on dumbledoor but we didnt tink of magik jonson"

"fochnoktaf" sed hitler wich wuz out staf is short now an we lost many of r detheaters.

"da devil is in da hosbitl bcuz he wuz fell off his weelchair an brock his hip." sed dracula. "da same is 4 wolfman. I CAQNT BELIWEVE WE LET DAT NIGGA GO TO DA PAST!111111"

"ichkanvochinmatenvadermort" which ment vadermort followed him too.

den dracula spoke "hes killed jesus b4... can he do it agin?" 


	26. Jesus and the balls of death

jesus showed me 2 da lab.

"here youll have everyting you need to make dis "fried chikin"" he sed

"fried chikin?" sed judas "wuts dat?"

"its like chikin" i sed "but fried"

"dats crazy" sed mary margerine "you cant do that"

"but like hell im gonna try" i sed.

i mixed da chemicels. dey went through da glass pipes an da test tubes. i boiled dem on da fire.

jesus judas an mary margerine were watchin me all curious like.

den... DA WALL ESPLODED AN VADERMORT AN HIS DETHEATERS BURST IN!11111111

vadermort opened his cape. missles flew out an esploded everywere. glass startinb flyin every were.

"NOW YOULL NEVER INVENT FRIED CHIKIN!111" sed vadermort.

da detheaters took out dere wands an dere guns an started shootin magik an bullets at us.

jesus stepped in front of me.

"JESUS NO" i sed.

den his hands went all blury an he caut all da bullets betwen his fingers. den he through dem back at da detheaters. the bullets went thru vadermort an hit da detheaters. 15 detheaters died an vadermort fell down on his need tghrouwin up blood.

judas an mary margerine were shootin magik beems out of dere wands.

"how do u do dat?" i sed

"didnt dey teech you at school?" sed judas. an he showed me.

"u might need dis!" sed jesus an my gun appeared in my hand.

"but how will you fight jesus" i sed

"dont worry about me" sed jesus. den 2 big red balls appered in jesuss hands. he threw dem at da detheaters. da romm esploded. everyone wuz flyin in da air.

i landed on da grass outside.

mary mergerine had a magik sheeld in front of her.

"how do you do dat" i sed. an she showed me.

jesus floated out of da air an landed on his feet in front of us. but were wuz judas?

judas fell from da sky into da middle of da detheaters. his wand had a lazer sword commin out of it. he spun cut through 10 of da detheaters.

"wuts dat" i sed.

"dis is a wand blade" sed judas. an he showed me how to do it.

with my wand an my gun i shot bullets an magik at vadermort. he put up his hands an made a magik sheild to blok dem. jesus had another one of his big red balls an through it at vadermort. vadermort bloked it wit his magik wall but he wuz strainin.

"i underestimated da power of your magik lazer balls!" he sed.

den da ball broke through his magik sheild an slammed into his chest. his coat caught on fire. he wuz thrown back an burst through da brick wall behind him into da lab. he skitted across da glass covered floor.

we all looked at da dusty hole in da wall. den... missles flew out. dey were all aimed at... JESUS!

"NO" i sed. but detheaters were tryin to attack me from behind. i spun around an cut three of dem in haff wit my wand blade an den shot da others wit my gun an my wand. den i realised... i was surrounded! there wuz no way to shoot dem all! den i remembered... i still had sheiquazs gernades!

one ran at me wit a wand blade but i doged an kicked him into da other ones. den i through a grenade at dem all. dey were about to doge, but i wuz quick an took out my gun an shot da grenade in midair. it esploded. wit my wand an my gun i shot a guy who wuz commin at me from behind. i rolled on da ground past some other detheaters who i shot. den i took out 2 more gernades an shot dem into da detheaters. dere were 2 more esplosions.

missles were still flyin at jesus. but he wasnt afraid. he smiled. da missles flew around him and flew back at vadermort. dey went throug hda dusty hole in da wall an esploded. the lab colapsed a little.

50 guys were commin up from behind jesus. jesus clapped his hands together an dey all squished together in midair into a big bloddy pancake. den dey all shlooped to da ground like soup.

"OH LORD" sed one of da detheaters "SPARE ME!" an he got on da ground kneelin.

"ok. i wont kill u" sed jesus. an winked at da detheater an his hed esploded.

"WHATS GOIN ON HERE" sed pumpass piolet. he looked really mad. "LOO KAT THIS MESS"

vadermort had changed bak to snape. "dey shot me!" he sed.

"WUT" sed pumpass piolet "mr. christ im very disappointed in you! all of you come to my office!" 


	27. Josef and the big gay multicolored coat

we were walkin 2 pumpass pilots office. snape wuz limpin tryin 2 look like he wuz all hurt. he wuz lookin at me all meen like. 


End file.
